Cleanliness Isn't Next To Bachelorliness

fig. 1-1 You don't have to......

   As a bachelor, I think most of us understand that cleanliness is not one of our top priorities. Now obviously I'm not addressing personal hygiene (was yo' stank ass), but rather the state of our apartments, cars, etc.etc.etc.

   I'm sure I hit some of the more extremes when it comes to lack of sanitation about the house. Several examples including:

• After joining the Army and living off post, I didn't vacuum my apartment for a full year, mainly because I didn't own a vacuum. Was I lazy and kinda gross for not doing it sooner? Probably, but I wasn't exactly hosting any parties/chicks at my house either so who the f**k cares.

• Whenever I drop a non-perishable food item on the floor (i.e. cereal, chips, ice cubes, coffee, etc.), I just kick that bitch under the fridge. Cats won't get it, and certainly saves me some time. (Gross, I know, but nobody'd know until I told them ;)

• I've had a coffee maker for about 3+ years now, and only a few weeks ago realized it has a replaceable coffee filter in it. Given, it looked like a core sample of a black hole, I figured it was probably okay. Then upon having coffee at a friends house who changed it regularly, I realized it was probably time to change the thing.

• I do laundry when I run outta stuff to wear, and I sure as hell don't use a dryer sheet. Don't need it. I figure if there's a sock stuck to my shirt, I'll figure it out (and it's kind of a karmatic f**k you to my ex-girlfriend who would literally lose her sh*t everytime I did laundry and didn't use a dryer sheet. Look, I don't want to smell Bounty soft okay??)

   To narrow in, Bachelor Code speaks to a general sense of cleanliness. Your place/car doesn't need to be spotless, but it DOES need to be ready for company at the last minute. I'm talking about a emergency kit for that last notice chica/party chance. Much like the storage of pasta items (see previous post), you need to be ready! Consider the following in this kit:

1. Clean bedding (if you didn't already know, chicks change their sheets when they know a guys coming over. Saw that on The Real World. Why they do that? I have no idea. I'm sure if they left their sheets on there for two weeks, it's smell like daisies and what not)
2. Clean, foofy towels. The softer, the better. And remember to leave a hand towel on the sink so that people can wash their hands after going to the bathroom. Don't do what you and I do, and expect them to dry their hands on their pants. Or worse, send them the wrong message and make them believe you don't even wash your hands.
3. A new pump bottle of hand soap. See above. Nobody wants to use your bar soap and give you a handy by proxy.
4. Candles. Don't need to light 'em, just need to have them around. Chicks just like that kinda stuff.
5. Wine. Forgot to add this in the food post, but ALWAYS a good idea to have. Throw in a GOOD bag of coffee too, not that ground up store brand dirt you typically drink. 
6. Dryer Sheets. (See above...and I don't wanna talk about it)

  Now that's a start of bare essentials. Based on how deeply entrenched you are in bachelorhood, definitely add stuff. The trick here is to have stuff you wouldn't personally want or care to have around, but you know it would probably be good to have in a pinch based on your personal habits if you were ever expecting company to show up last minute.

  But bottom line, don't panic if there's a beer stain on your sh*tty couch or there's a month old pizza still in your fridge. You can let this happen, why? Because nooobody's there to complain about it! ;)