Your Spot Yes...Other People's Spot? Not So Much...

fig. 1-1 If your couch looks like this, clean it with fire.....

 

 

 Gentlemen, we need to talk about the one focal piece of furniture that sets the mood for the rest of the Palace-of-Wonderment that is our apartment/house. It's the crappy couch you have in your living room.

 

 Now lemme start by saying that if you're a bachelor and you have an immaculate couch you just purchased, then awesome. You're a rock star, and you can ignore the rest of this post, except check the next paragraph.

 

  If you own any type of leather couch, especially black, get rid of that sh*t immediately. That's a porno couch. Even though Bachelor Code allows for certain tacky things (I.e. swords, Comic girl posters, etc.) in your living space, black leather couches are strictly off limits. It's gross no matter the weather, and it just sends a nasty message to anyone that comes into your living room.

 

 However, if you're like me, you have an only okay couch that most likely has several residual food stains on the cushions along with the sides being completely shredded like a scratching post by cats/dogs/various wildlife.

 

 Any who, so the question becomes, what of the couch. The key thing your couch needs to be is comfortable. That is the primary purpose, and with Bachelor Code, certain items in your home need to be absolutely functional over fashionable to start. We can deal with the fashionable later. By comfortably, it can't have springs or staples sticking out of it. It certainly can't have the dip in the middle that some couches have where the springs give out in the middle. And it, under no conditions, can be missing any of the cushions, either bottom or back. It's gotta be pretty much a whole couch, minus wear and tear. The couch should definitely receive bonus points if it is a 1) couch with a hideaway bed 2) one of those uber deep couches that you can lay two people side by side on it with nobody hanging over or 3) a GIANT sectional that takes up 90% of your living room.

 

  Now, what to do with that Ranch stained leviathan that is just too comfy to replace? Well, you could be a do-it-yourself douche nozzle and follow these instructions to reupholster your couch, or you can just get a massive, fuzzy blanket and drape it over it. As long as you tuck in the sides and make it look smooth, job done. Fuzzy blankets (i.e. fake chinchilla, etc.) not only covers up your great history of party stains, but also makes the couch inviting from a tactile standpoint. Otherwise known as "pet-me" fabrics, I'm lead to believe women are big fans of this kinda stuff, and usually tend to gravitate towards it. :)

 

  And again, you with the leather couch, KILL IT WITH FIRE!