When It Comes To Smarts....Give It Away

fig. 1-1 Too much crap...for the record...

While we're on the topic of furniture, let's talk about your bookshelf...

Don't have a bookshelf? Go to Ikea at least and get a bookshelf. I'll wait.

Okay, you have a bookshelf. What should go on your bookshelf? Books, yes. But the selection of books is important. The recommendation is obviously for starter, the books you read. On top of the books you actually read, toss in some books you don't read. Why? Cause it puts out a good vibe. 

If you haven't guessed, we're planning for women to come over, because one of the first things people will usually inspect is the bookshelf.

Putting books up, say philosophy books, science books, or any other real deep literature will only make you seem more worldly. The only caveat, is you need to know enough about the book to talk intelligently about it, not just know what it says on the back cover. Right now, I have normal books that I have read, but I also have latin books, french books, American Sign Language books (ironically), my complete set of books from my Master's studies, etc.etc.etc.

On top of that, don't forget to add knick-knacks. Awards, candles, and various other objects that act as really strong conversation starters. Again, with knick-knacks, make sure they have a good back story, ooooor at least, a good made up back story.

Comic toys, models, and various other nerdery is fine, but use sparingly. You don't want the woman to think she stumbled into a comic book store. 

Worldly, think worldly. Don't think "random-mess-of-crap".

Your Spot Yes...Other People's Spot? Not So Much...

fig. 1-1 If your couch looks like this, clean it with fire.....

 

 

 Gentlemen, we need to talk about the one focal piece of furniture that sets the mood for the rest of the Palace-of-Wonderment that is our apartment/house. It's the crappy couch you have in your living room.

 

 Now lemme start by saying that if you're a bachelor and you have an immaculate couch you just purchased, then awesome. You're a rock star, and you can ignore the rest of this post, except check the next paragraph.

 

  If you own any type of leather couch, especially black, get rid of that sh*t immediately. That's a porno couch. Even though Bachelor Code allows for certain tacky things (I.e. swords, Comic girl posters, etc.) in your living space, black leather couches are strictly off limits. It's gross no matter the weather, and it just sends a nasty message to anyone that comes into your living room.

 

 However, if you're like me, you have an only okay couch that most likely has several residual food stains on the cushions along with the sides being completely shredded like a scratching post by cats/dogs/various wildlife.

 

 Any who, so the question becomes, what of the couch. The key thing your couch needs to be is comfortable. That is the primary purpose, and with Bachelor Code, certain items in your home need to be absolutely functional over fashionable to start. We can deal with the fashionable later. By comfortably, it can't have springs or staples sticking out of it. It certainly can't have the dip in the middle that some couches have where the springs give out in the middle. And it, under no conditions, can be missing any of the cushions, either bottom or back. It's gotta be pretty much a whole couch, minus wear and tear. The couch should definitely receive bonus points if it is a 1) couch with a hideaway bed 2) one of those uber deep couches that you can lay two people side by side on it with nobody hanging over or 3) a GIANT sectional that takes up 90% of your living room.

 

  Now, what to do with that Ranch stained leviathan that is just too comfy to replace? Well, you could be a do-it-yourself douche nozzle and follow these instructions to reupholster your couch, or you can just get a massive, fuzzy blanket and drape it over it. As long as you tuck in the sides and make it look smooth, job done. Fuzzy blankets (i.e. fake chinchilla, etc.) not only covers up your great history of party stains, but also makes the couch inviting from a tactile standpoint. Otherwise known as "pet-me" fabrics, I'm lead to believe women are big fans of this kinda stuff, and usually tend to gravitate towards it. :)

 

  And again, you with the leather couch, KILL IT WITH FIRE! 

"I'm A Man Of My Woooooord"

fig. 1-1 Even crazy keeps their promises.....

 

 

  Alright, I've realized that despite my first post, I haven't been good about updating more than a couple of weeks, which given, mea culpa. So I shall endeavor to shed even more light on the trials and tribulations of bachelorhood moving forward. And as such, I'm going to speak to promises and honoring your word.

 

   Probably the biggest example of this is when you decide to start dating. This is something where, for some reason, it's socially acceptable for a man (or woman....probably) to basically completely ignore his friends and existing social obligations and focus 110% of his attention to the new woman in his life.

 

   This. Is. WRONG.

 

  Hey guy, remember all of your friends that pulled an all nighter at the bar with you on a work night, or came over and helped you change your break calipers on your car until all hours of the night? Yeah, why again would you simply forget they exist just because you're now getting some "smash" (to use common street vernacular) on the regular? Uh, that's right, because you're a terrible person.

 

  While a lot of people would disagree with me, and for the most part, this part of Guy Code is largely ignored (I.e. "Bros before...well, you know what"), this becomes a matter not only of ethics, but also an issue of what the hell happens if ya'll break up? And further more, if you're a man that is simply content with only a woman in his life with no discernible friends to speak of, then I (as well as others) begin to highly question your loyalty as a friend.

 

  And in doing so, while you would be encouraged to maintain your friendship, even on a less-than-regular level than it was before you got into a relationship, don't end up being one of those people that always makes plans and cancels at the last minute (known in the industry as a "ditch-b#tch"). That's magnitudes times worse than just not making plans in general.

 

  A decent bachelor always makes times for his friends, especially those already in a relationship. Because more often than not, those guys in a relationship need to get away and typically retrieve their family jewels from their girlfriends/wives purses.